Scared to take the Leap

I have taken the plunge and started looking for a new job for next fall. It's not an easy decision. Honestly, I am terrified. I have been at my job for 12 years and it's the only "real" job I have ever had. It's literally all that I know and have experienced. Just even thinking about leaving makes me sad because I will miss the people. I will miss the relationships I have built, but I know it's not the best place for me. At least not as it is right now and not how its been for the past 4-6 years. That's the kicker-I been holding out on leaving because I have hoped and prayed that my boss would leave. I have attributed 90% of the problems at my job being partially or fully her fault. Literally if she decided to leave today, I would stay. It's what many of my coworkers have been saying for YEARS. As I said, I had been praying so much about it and I felt in my spirit that maybe the call is not for her to leave, but me. I can admit that I am stagnant and they don't see my value. Not to be cocky or prideful, but I know my worth and I know I do and have done for my students and the school and I deserve more. This year, especially, has been tough because they literally abandoned me in the midst of the chaos. Had me fending for myself and fighting a fight (their fight) all by myself and now that it's over and everything is resolved, they want to appear out of the woodworks and act as if nothing ever happened. I realized that if something happened to me they wouldn't miss me and even if something happened and I returned, they wouldn't celebrate me coming back. Is it crazy to want to be at a place caring enough to miss you and that care enough to celebrate you? I've been feeling that there is more out there and I have finally found the courage to explore. The other day I looked at hundreds of listings and I could not find one that had my position available. I was crushed. I'm now scared that I will be stuck here, but I have to trust God. Trust that He will continue to lead and guide. Trust that He wouldn't lead me here to abandon me. Y'all, please pray for me.

My prayer:

First off, thank You for employment and for having everything I need. I will not take that blessing for granted. I ask that You continue to lead and guide me on the right path in my career. Lord open doors that need to be opened and close doors that need to be closed. Lord ,matter of fact, only open one door, the door that's for me. That way Lord I would not go where You don't want me to go. Lord calm my anxious thoughts and help me to trust You because You hold my present and future in Your hands. Lord thank You for guidance, provision, and most of all for Your love which upholds and sustains me.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen, Amen, Amen